VD/SAD 2011

For a single gal without a true Valentine,
I'm lucky to have great friends who won't let me forget that I am loved.

Rose from my former boss aka Freddy Spaghetti
Hersey Kisses from boss, Lynda

Chocolate-covered strawberries from Ludy
Baked charsiu bao from Melissa

and ... even though I ate it last night without taking a picture,
Julie made me a cupcake just like in the picture
... just not with so much frosting -- the way I like it!

I feel so ♥'d! Thanks, friends!

Too Good

A couple of nights ago a male acquaintance came up to me to ask my opinion of a common female acquaintance he had dated a couple of years ago and had started dating again for about a month now. To protect the innocent, I will refer to them as the characters in "Beauty and the Beast", Gaston and Belle. Unfortunately, much like the movie/musical, this story is very much life imitating art. I knew we were off to a bad start when he couldn't remember her last name, but once we figured it out, I told Gaston what I know of Belle and told Gaston that I thought Belle is a beautiful, smart woman with a good head on her shoulders. I asked Gaston how things are going between them and he said, "You know, I'm not sure if it's going to go anywhere ... I've dated prettier girls and with better personality. She just doesn't say much."  OMG! He did not just say that! I don't know why I'm so surprised. Much like Gaston, this man is pretty much in love with himself. He may be handsome, but shallowness and superficiality is the reason why he is still single. I am surprised that Belle is dating him, she  is simply too good for him!

No Cell Phones ... PLEASE!

Yesterday was a special day for our ward. We had three very distinguished visitors at our sacrament meeting: Elder L. Tom Perry (an apostle of the LDS Church), Elder Ringwood (Quorum of the Seventy) and Sister Beck (General Relief Society President). The chapel was just packed!

Normally, whoever is conducting sacrament meeting, would remind the congregation to turn off our cell phones during the meeting, but it wasn't announced yesterday. Go figure!

As the sacrament bread was being passed around, a voice (at normal volume, but sounding so much louder because he's the only one speaking) suddenly arose from the overflow area, "Hello? ... Yeah, I'm in a meeting ... just a second ... let me take this call ..." Annoyed and aghast, I turned around (along with just about the whole congregation) to see a man in jeans climbing over people in his row towards an exit. "Okay, Inge," I thought to myself, "let's not be hasty in judging him. Maybe he's a visitor and doesn't understand that we are to be quiet during sacrament." 

Then a few minutes later AS the water was being blessed ... "Yeah, I'm here ... what's going on?" REALLY??? He came back in AND did not figure out that it was NOT the appropriate place or time to be answering a call? I kept thinking that it must be a gag ... maybe one of the distinguished guests will be addressing the topic of reverence or kindness or judging others ... no such thing ...

I vented on facebook when I got home, "I hope the man who just HAD to answer his phone during sacrament TWICE (on the week we had Elders Perry, Ringwood and Sister Beck visit our ward) is someone who is really important and that he took the calls because someone is bleeding to death if he doesn't answer ..."  I found a comment later on that evening from a male friend who was in church that day, "He's mentally challenged. The ironic thing was in Priesthood, he started to cry and asked if we would say a special blessing for his phone because it was broken. I guess it worked."

OI! Like being 40 and single doesn't have enough negative connotation, do we have to add mental illness to the mix?

Ward Dinner Group

Don't freak out ... yes, I went to a church activity -- a ward dinner group ... or rather, Julie signed me up while I was absent one Sunday and I didn't resist. For tonight's activity, we brought food to the church building and groups were assigned different rooms. So, here are some of the highlights from the conversations in my dinner group tonight:

A: My favorite place is Prague Czech Republic.
B: Is that near Czechcoslovakia?

A: I studied composites in college?
B: Cool, deposits ...

A: I would love to go to Ireland someday ...
B: What do they speak there ... Irish?
A: I think it's English ... with an Irish accent.

A: Guess who else is a carpenter?
B: Ummm, Jesus?

Yeah, I've forgiven Julie, but only because I got a good laugh out of the whole thing and a good excuse to blog about it.

Cougar

I was asked the other day by one of the runners at work if I could ever be a "cougar".  Don't know why he'd ask, but I was dumb-founded.  Five years either way is my limit ... anything beyond that is outside of my comfort zone.  How do people do it without admitting that someone in the relationship has either a daddy or mommy issue?

$$$

A few people I know got married this month and I was invited to a couple of bridal showers. As I'm going through my expenses for the month, I'm seeing a HUGE increase in my spending on gifts and it's not even Christmas yet. So, here is my question, do men spend money on gifts and showers for the grooms to be? Of course, I don't mind shelling out the money for a shower and gifts for good friends or family, but when I've not done anything with them or heard from them in years, am I obligated to spend my money just because I got invited? With the money I've spent over the years on gifts and showers for mere acquaintances and I'm sure I could have a really nice something or other. Do I sound bitter that I've not had a bridal shower? Should we make it so that any woman over a certain age be thrown a shower and get her share of gifts if she's not married yet? I think it's only fair ...

Bookworm in a bar

The story of my life, I swear ...

The wonder that is me ...

I've been thinking about not going to church. I'm burnt out in this singles ward. The few rotten apples have really spoiled the bunch for me. I've no plans on attending my home ward either, though ... I'm just tired. So much is asked of me and I'm not feeling like I'm getting anything out of it. I don't want to feel guilty for not going to church, eating out or shopping on Sundays, not praying or reading my scriptures. I just want to live my life as a good person without the pressure of being "perfect".

I'm certainly not meeting any men to date in this ward and at this point I'd rather find a good non-LDS man, who doesn't drink or smoke, who is true to himself than an LDS man who is a hypocrite.

Gossip

Out of breath and with a serious look on her face, a friend came running up to me before church and said, "I need to talk to you!" Worried that something bad had happened I asked what was the matter. Turns out she had just overheard that someone I might have liked (had he not gone after a girl I can't stand and would only now get my attention if he hits me over the head with a skillet) had gotten engaged over the weekend. Oh, PUH-LEEZ!

The whole thing wouldn't have bugged me so much if the next three hours were not filled with talks about marriage. I was really bugged by the conversation and after I got home I decided to call her to ask why she did what she did. Had I given her the impression that I was "in love" with this newly-engaged man? Did she really think that I was going to get so upset or burst into tears? Did I look/act like I care? No, she admitted, but she "knew" that he had "hurt" me (I was more ticked than hurt by his choice of woman he decided to pursue) and that it was "hot" gossip and she wanted to make sure that I would hear the news from a "friend" ... just in case ... So, I asked her if she also went running to his ex-girlfriend and delivered the news to her to get the reaction she didn't get from me. No, of course not.

I SO hate my singles ward sometimes ...

It is what it is ...

In today's Salt Lake Tribune:

Dear Carolyn,

Tomorrow night I'm going to see a few friends I haven't seen in a while. They're all married; I'm single. All of the wives are pregnant; I'm not. They're all making a lot of money and have successful careers. I'm not and don't. I've also been struggling to find a good job in a new field and have been battling serious depression.

What do I say when they ask how I'm doing? I know I can just say, "Good," and smile, but I'm worried I'm going to start crying because I feel so inferior to all of them. I could also just not go, but I do want to see a few of the people; they have been good friends in the past, and I don't want to get even more isolated than I am now.

How can I get through this? One of the people in the group is my ex-boyfriend, who I think is still angry that I didn't come to his wedding because I canceled at the last minute. I think I actually need a script so I don't act like a freak.

New York

Dear New York,

No, no, no, scripted things always sound scripted. (As in, freaky.)

The tough part about gatherings like this is that they're just a snapshot. Life is a long, changeable, unpredictable thing, and the facts in place on any given day can say only so much about the whole.

You do make a good case that you'll look very different from the rest of the crowd in this particular snapshot. But I can also make a case that some of the pregnant women will feel uncomfortably huge, and some of the people with great careers may themselves be in your starting-over position a year from now. Someone else in this group might be battling depression, too, wondering why having "everything" doesn't feel like much at all.

Yes, sure, someone there might be a jerk to you, or ask you all the wrong questions, or respond in all the wrong ways. Still, there's nothing wrong with seeing yourself as someone they can identify with: You're single, you're trying a new career path at a difficult time, you're battling a health problem, and things are uncertain. That's not freaky, that's life.

My excuse ...

So when I turned 30, I told myself that if I'm not married by the time I turn 35, I would go into a sperm bank and get knocked up. I had a plan ... I will start with a house plant ... if I keep that alive for a year, I will graduate to a gold fish ... if I keep that alive for a year, I will graduate to a small pet (cat or dog, whichever doesn't cause my allergies to flare up) ... by the time I'm 35, I'll be ready for a baby.

On the eve of my 35th birthday, I'm still working on the house plant. Oh, well ...

Motherly Advice

Conversation with the inept ...

A guy who aged out of my singles' ward work in my building. He gets off work about 6:00 also and the other night he happened to just be steps in front of me and my co-worker as we walked over to the parking garage. So he heard my voice, turned around, saw me and stopped to allow us to catch up to him. The conversation went something like this:

X: So, what's going on that's exciting?
Me: Not a whole lot with me.
X: There must be something ...
Me: Nope.
X: I wonder if I should bring this up. No, I shouldn't. Well, maybe I should ...
Me: What?
X: No, I shouldn't.
Me: Okay, whatever. [I ignore him and start talking to my co-worker]
X: Well, okay, I'll ask you ... So, according to Mormon doctrine, there are different places for a person to go after this life. Is spirit prison hell?
Me: Uh, no! People there are being preached to and it's a temporary state until they accept the Gospel.
X: Correct. So what is hell? [This is the part where I should have answered, "This conversation with you is hell", but I didn't]
Me: I would imagine that outer darkness would fit the definition of hell better than spirit prison ...
X: Correct! So who goes there?
Me: Murderers, adulterers, unrepentant ...
X: Right again ... well, I just thought I'd provide the topic of conversation ... g'night!
Me: What the hell?

CRAZY!!!

The morning receptionist at work is marrying a man tonight who proposed to her yesterday. They met on LDSPlanet (an online dating service), have known each other a month and have had one date. They'll be married tonight by her uncle who is a Baptist minister and will be married for about a week before he's shipped off to boot camp for four months.

I actually met the guy on Thursday prior to the proposal. He came half-way through the CFF luncheon and had he been in a shirt and tie as opposed to the short-sleeved t-shirt which showed off his tattooed arms, he would've just blended in with the crowd. On my way back to the office, he rode in the same elevator. I asked how he knew the Davises and his slurred reply was, "I'm here to really see Stacie. She told me that there's free food upstairs and came to look at the view." Hmmm ....Anyone else seeing a gazzilion red flags popping up in this situation?

Update: Got an email from the firm this (Monday) morning at work congratulating said receptionist on her "engagement" instead of wedding. The wedding date is still pending. I'm guessing that some sense got knocked into her when she announced the hasty engagement/marriage to her family.

Patsy Cline's "She's Got You"

In cleaning my email boxes, I came across this video Tracie sent me just in time for Valentine's Day. I forwarded it to a few people, dedicating it specifically to girlfriends who have lost a love to another woman.

VD aka SAD

I've been noticing a few people (women) who are male-bashing because they are alone this year for VD aka SAD (Valentine's Day aka Single Awareness Day). It really gets to me. Fine, say "I am woman, hear me roar" if you must, but to say, "who needs men"? Me thinks, thou art protesting too much. If any of these women were to be asked out for tomorrow night, I would bet money that most of them would drop the girlfriends they were planning on hanging out with to go on the date. Just my opinion ...

I got a rose from my former boss, Fred, today. He is such a sweet man. I can always count on him to get me a rose every year on this day. Of course, I'm not the only one on his list. Whenever he drops off my rose, he's got about a dozen others in his car that he delivers to his daughters and daughters-in-law. I'm sure his wife, Chris, just gets a huge bouquet of them. This is a characteristic I want in a mate -- someone who treats women like princesses, but leaving no doubt in anyone's mind that I am his queen.

Paper Products Coordinator: The Setting Apart

As I was crossing the lobby with the paper products for the supply closet, one of the counselors in the bishopric asked if I was ever set apart for the calling. I laughed and asked what I’ll be blessed with – the wisdom to find the best bargains on bulk paper products from a price club? Brother White insisted that I be set apart anyway, so off we went to find a quiet room. We chatted while the ward clerk went to see what the official title of my calling is.

Bro. White: So, did you go to the Tri-Ward party on New Year’s Eve?
Inge: Ummm, No!
Bro. White: Why not?
Inge: Not my thing. I don’t like big crowds and men don’t look or sound the same in broad daylight and a quieter place.

The clerk came back and Brother White proceeded to set me apart and gave me a longer blessing than I had expected. He reminded me that every calling involves both the temporal and spiritual. He blessed me with peace of mind and job security in this tough economy. Then he blessed me that my social life might be enlarged, expand and that I might be led to my eternal companion. Does he think that I don't have many friends just because I don't like big groups? If my social life enlarges anymore, I won't have time to do anything at home other than shower and sleep.

My only comment was, “Wow! All that for just buying paper goods in bulk at Costco?” That and many more was Brother White’s reply.

Reality Shows

Last night on facebook:

Inge: “Inge decided that reality shows are all stupid”
Pinky: “Even The Bachelor? Come on ...”

OMG! It was actually a preview for The Bachelor that caused me to write that update. Here is a show where, what, some 20 women are vying for the attention of a metro-sexual. I don’t even want to know what some of these women are willing to do to get that attention. In re to putting on some lotion on said metro-sexual, one very discombobulated woman said, “… touching him was truly a gift!” Seriously? How stupid is this woman? Rolled eyes, gagged, went to the only place I could vent at the time and updated facebook status.

About the only reality show I can stand is Extreme Makeover: Home Edition – at least they’re helping people in need. But despite the good they do, I still have some issues with the show.

Flirting: Part II

My boss, Brian, printed this article for me. It's nice that he's looking out for me. Running your hands through your hair or tapping your foot slowly are not on the list (which my other boss, Steve, is really sad about). We all like that "props" are suggested, although with some people that can get pretty wierd pretty fast.

Expert Flirting Tips
By Fran Greene

Having trouble coming up with something to say when you've met someone you'd like to date? Try these top 10 tips to help you flirt.

Some people are natural flirts, but what if you're not one of those people? We've compiled 10 expert tips on flirting that even the most timid of singles can use.

10. Flirting is an attitude
A good flirt is self-confident and not afraid to take risks. Be enthusiastic and positive—it works!

9. Start a conversation
The best opening line is saying hello. Talk about the surroundings, ask a question, ask for help or state an opinion.

8. Have fun
Be playful, light-hearted and spontaneous. Show your vulnerability.

7. Use props
Never leave home without a prop. Props are natural conversation starters. They encourage conversation and others will be compelled to start talking to you. Great props include dogs, kids, unusual jewelry, a fabulous scent, a sweatshirt with your favorite passion, interesting ties, hats or an interesting book or newspaper.

6. Be the host
Change your behavior from guest to host. You are not a passive person waiting around for romance; instead, you're the welcome committee.

5. Make the first move
Move closer to the person you want to meet. Say hello.

4. Listen
You have two ears and one mouth because you should listen twice as much as you speak. Listening is a true art. Your flirting partner will be drawn to you. Everyone loves to be heard.

3. Eye contact
Please look your partner in the eye gently (no more than a few seconds) and then glance away. Don't stare—it's a turn-off.

2. Compliment
Compliment your flirting partner. The best compliments have the element of surprise. The "flirtee" will know that you really noticed him or her. Remember, your compliments must be honest, sincere and genuine. When you receive a compliment, the best response is a simple "Thank you!"

1. Smile
It's contagious. Smiling makes you so much more approachable. A smile lights up your face and draws people to you. You'll be a people magnet.

Fran Greene is a frequent Match.com contributor and a nationally recognized, sought-after expert on flirting, dating and relationships. Greene has appeared on Dateline NBC, The Today Show, and has been featured in the New York Times, Self, and Cosmopolitan.

"Vote early ... and often!"

I decided to vote early last night after work. I got to the Bountiful Library and went to the voting area. Right off the bat, a poll worker told me that from the end of the line where I was, it’ll take approximately 90 minutes to the voting booths! OMG! Luckily, I didn’t have anything else planned last night and I didn’t want to show up on Election Day when the other 70% of registered voters will be showing up. I asked for a pamphlet and reviewed the other items I’ll be voting for to kill the time in line. On the bright side, I only stood in line for an hour.

While in line, I started to chat with the man standing behind me who told me of his divorce, travels, etc. By the time we were within sight of the registration tables, he asked me for my phone number and possibly doing lunch. Too bad he cut me off in the parking lot earlier, smelled like cigarettes, and was at least two decades older. Why don’t men my own age ask me out? On the bright side, I only stood in line for an hour.