Mermaids and Whales

My friend, Julie, sent this to me and I liked it so much I thought I'd share it here:

Recently, in a large French city, a poster featuring a young, thin and tan woman appeared in the window of a gym. It said:

"THIS SUMMER DO YOU WANT TO BE A MERMAID OR A WHALE?"

A middle-aged woman, whose physical characteristics did ot match those of the woman on the poster, responded publicly to the question posed by the gym.

To Whom It May Concern:

Whales are always surrounded by friends (dolphins, sea lions, curious humans). They have an active sex life, they get pregnant and have adorable baby whales. They have a wonderful time with dolphins stuffing themselves with shrimp. They play and swim in the seas, seeing wonderful places like Patagonia and the coral reefs of Polynesia. Whales are wonderful singers and have even recorded CDs. They are incredible creatures and virtually have no predators other than humans. They are loved, protected and admired by almost everyone in the world.

Mermaids don't exist. If they did exist, they would be lining up outside the offices of psychoanalysts due to identity crisis ... Fish or human? They don't have a sex life because they kill men who get close to them. Therefore they do not have kids either. Not to mention, who wants to get close to a girl who smells like a fish store?

The choice is perfectly clear to me; I'd rather be a whale.

P.S. We are in an age when media puts into our heads the idea that only skinny people are beautiful, but I prefer to enjoy an ice cream with my grandkids, a good dinner with my husband and a coffee/lunch with my friends. With time we gain weight because we accumulate so much information and wisdom in our heads that when there is no more room it distributes out to the rest of our bodies. So we aren't heavy, we are enormously cultured, educated and happy. Beginning today, when I look at my butt in the mirror I will think, Good gosh, look how smart I am.

Why must they make it so difficult?

Some friends and I are going to see Air Supply in concert this Friday and it fell upon me to get the tickets ... no problem, happy to do it, but who knew getting these tickets would be so difficult. I called to ask SmithsTix the best way to get the tickets and avoid the many "service charges" and was told that going to the venue the day of the concert would be the way to go. Well, I don't want to take a chance that it may sell out. The next option according to her was to go to a SmithsTix ticket outlet get the tickets there for a $4 service charge. Okay, that sounds reasonable, so today I go to one of these ticket outlets at a Smith's grocery store and guess what? They don't take credit cards (only cash or debit cards, which I didn't have at the time). UGH! I ended up buying the ticket using the last option, which is online/phone. Did all I had to and looked at the total due and I thought that they had miscalculated because they're charging an extra $24 to the five $20 tickets and only showing $4 for fees, so I called them. Turns out they charge an additional $20 for "service fee" and the $4 is for "handling". What in the ...? I just want to punch them out! Good thing I had Air Supply playing on the background on my computer and that calmed me down a bit ...

"Lost in love and I don't know much / Was I thinking aloud and fell out of touch? / But I'm back on my feet and eager to be what you wanted ..."

It is what it is ...

In today's Salt Lake Tribune:

Dear Carolyn,

Tomorrow night I'm going to see a few friends I haven't seen in a while. They're all married; I'm single. All of the wives are pregnant; I'm not. They're all making a lot of money and have successful careers. I'm not and don't. I've also been struggling to find a good job in a new field and have been battling serious depression.

What do I say when they ask how I'm doing? I know I can just say, "Good," and smile, but I'm worried I'm going to start crying because I feel so inferior to all of them. I could also just not go, but I do want to see a few of the people; they have been good friends in the past, and I don't want to get even more isolated than I am now.

How can I get through this? One of the people in the group is my ex-boyfriend, who I think is still angry that I didn't come to his wedding because I canceled at the last minute. I think I actually need a script so I don't act like a freak.

New York

Dear New York,

No, no, no, scripted things always sound scripted. (As in, freaky.)

The tough part about gatherings like this is that they're just a snapshot. Life is a long, changeable, unpredictable thing, and the facts in place on any given day can say only so much about the whole.

You do make a good case that you'll look very different from the rest of the crowd in this particular snapshot. But I can also make a case that some of the pregnant women will feel uncomfortably huge, and some of the people with great careers may themselves be in your starting-over position a year from now. Someone else in this group might be battling depression, too, wondering why having "everything" doesn't feel like much at all.

Yes, sure, someone there might be a jerk to you, or ask you all the wrong questions, or respond in all the wrong ways. Still, there's nothing wrong with seeing yourself as someone they can identify with: You're single, you're trying a new career path at a difficult time, you're battling a health problem, and things are uncertain. That's not freaky, that's life.

Really? You're going to make me guess?

Even worse than not recognizing the voice, I got a text message in Indonesian today from a NY number I don't recogize. When I asked who it was, her reply was, "Do u remeber ur longlost forgoten sister!" Are you serious? SO ANNOYING! Just give me you name!

Blessed, honored pioneers!

Pioneer Day, celebrated on July 24th, is a state holiday in Utah. It is to honor the Mormon pioneers who settled this land and their sacrifices to make this desert bloom like a rose. There are parades, community breakfasts and BBQs and fireworks display throughout the state in celebration. In order to avoid the crowds, I opted not to attend the parade or the firework display and spent the evening at the Dauds with my Indonesian friends for a dinner party.

I am grateful for those Mormon pioneers who gave so much to build up this beautiful state. I would also like to acknowledge the modern day pioneers in my life. My parents were pioneers when they joined the LDS church in Indonesia in 1974. All present at the dinner tonight are pioneers when we emigrated to the US to seek a better life and to enjoy the freedom to worship as we see fit.

Tons of good food tonight. Tofu, chicken, fish, beef, green bean dishes, vegetable soup, grilled zucchinis fresh from the garden, sweet corn, refreshing cucumbers, cakes, banana bread, ice cream and sherbet filled our bellies.

What a great way to celebrate the day!

Arrival: The Music of ABBA

A beautiful summer night + the music of ABBA + good friends = FUN!!!

Julie's Threat

I just want this to be on record. Julie was kind enough to make me some cookies and left it in a little baggie on my car hood on Sunday. She didn't tell me that she left it there so it wasn't until a car wash and about 24 hours later that I found them. I, of course, had to throw out the cookies. Sorry, Jules! Next time let me know when you're leaving me a treat or leave it somewhere where I can see them. :)

Speaking of DUMB commercials ...

This one made me feel really sorry for the actors. I laughed at the strategically placed flags ... Imagine having this on your resume ... YIKES!

ShamWow!

So, there are a lot of annoying commercials on TV and one of the more annoying is the commercial for ShamWow. This weekend, however, this particular one came on TV that made me laugh out loud and I just had to look it up and watch it again online. What did we ever do without internet? I was recently introduced to Rhett and Link (a couple of internetainers) and they are hillarious. Enjoy!

Pet Peeve -- Rude Panhandlers

I was on my way to meet some friends for dinner tonight when I was approached by a panhandler. I don't remember if I just ignored him or waved him away, but he started to taunt me and then dropped a few F-bombs. I was already a few yards away, but when the F-bombs dropped, I turned around and said, "Excuse me? Why don't you get a job?" He continued on with his tirade and added racial slurs to his rendition of F-bombs.

Another instance a couple years ago ... leaving the office on a cold winter evening, a young man stopped me and my co-workers right outside the building and asked if we could spare him a dollar for some ice cream. We said sorry and walked on when he yelled out, "Might as well, you're all kind of fat anyway!" Huh?

Now, why would these able bodied men think that insulting me or hurling obscenities would make me change my mind and make me want to open my wallet for them? They're as able as any to carry a mop or broom or ask, "Would you like fries with that?"

Just a few weeks ago, I was coming back to the office, when I saw a heavy-set man standing in front of Temple Square carrying a cardboard sign indicating that he is hungry and homeless, talking loudly into his cell phone. I'm recalling my memories of the beggars I encountered in the streets of Indonesia, none of them were fat ... or talking into a cell phone (which by the way was fancier than the one I currently own).

I'm all about helping those truly in need. In addition to paying tithes and offerings to my church, I budget a certain amount of money to give to various charities each year. However, I REFUSE to enable these panhandlers by giving them money for nothing! Seldom will they take food or offer for a job. They sit there at street corners and prey on the people visiting Temple Square. UGH! It just bugs me to no end!

Cherries

Life isn't always a bowl of cherries, but it's not always the pits either ... The choice is ours!

Ringo

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DCyuq-ofnPc

Click on the link above to view the video. My boss, Steve, decided that he'll substitute "Ringo" with "Inge" and sing this to me each time he walks by my desk ... He's done it a couple of times already today. How does he come up with this stuff?

May the Fourth be with you!

Fireworks in Kaysville.

Bon Rico

Tonight we went to one of Edna and Roger's favorite restaurants in Evanston, Wyoming. That's right, we travelled 60 miles away into another state for some meat. Not pictured above are the french onion soup, salad, and homemade wheat/rye/white bread loaves that come with every meal.

Despite the recommended steak, I had a little lamb, little lamb, little lamb ...

DDD: 2009 Saints and Sinners Tour

Angel, Tracie, Max and I went to Huntsville today for what Max called our "Saints and Sinners Tour".

We started with lunch at the Shooting Star Saloon. The establishment is famous for their "Star Burger" which is basically a double-patty cheese burger, a split Polish knackwurst, grilled onions, lettuce, tomatoes, and "secret spices" on a toasted bun. I've had this huge burger a couple of summers ago, so I knew better than to order it. Instead, I had the manageable "Mini Star" which is a single-patty cheese burger with a smaller portion of the rest of the stuff listed above ... it was still a big burger and it took me a while to finish it. Other memorable features of the Shooting Star Saloon include:

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  The many stuffed animal heads which include a Saint Bernard, elk, moose, jackalope, and bear.
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  We played Johnny Cash and Patsy Cline songs on the juke box.
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  Dollar bills signed by customers and stapled to the ceiling.
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  The AJAX-like granulated hand soap that was rough enough to exfoliate your hands. Apparently there were some questionable art work on the ceiling of the ladies' room, which I'm grateful not to have seen.

Next stop, David O. McKay's home. Missed the available tours by a day. Oh well, next time ...

Last stop of the Saints and Sinners Tour, the Holy Trinity Monastery. When in Huntsville, I usually visit the monastery and buy some of their creamed honey. The monks sustain themselves by what they make in the bookstore/gift shop, so why not? They had a list of saints and what they are patrons of in the store. Max pointed out that we could probably use a medal with Saint Catherine of Alexandria as she is the patron saint of single women. We looked high and low, but could not find a single one, so I caved and asked the monk tending the store.

Me: Excuse me, Father. I see that you've listed Catherine of Alexandria on that list of saints, but we can't find a single medal with her on it. Do you have any in storage?
Father Pat: I'm sorry, we don't have any of those. What is she the patron saint of?
Me: Single women.
Father Pat: Well, in that case you may be interested in Saint Jude.
Me: What is he the patron saint of?
Father Pat: He's the patron saint of lost causes.
Me: BWAH!!!