How flirting can be enriching ...

09/28/08 Update: Julie reminded me of a few other pointers I had forgotten:

1. Do not linger longer. (Give them a challenge -- don't be too available)

2. Be soft and femine. Men love curves. (What they really want in the ward is a Barbie, but whatever ...)

3. Create a Top 10 list. You need to know what you want and don't compromise. (This somewhat contradicts the bishop's advise to lower your expectation)

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So about a couple of weeks ago, Julie convinced me to go with her to an Enrichment Meeting. [GASP! Hell is freezing over -- let's just also blame this on global warming.] I needed to see either the bishop or Brother Knowlton about the Career Development Seminar planned for that weekend, so I went. Of course, neither men I needed to see were there and so I stayed since my ride wasn't going to leave and I needed to support my friends in these callings every once in a while.

The topic of discussion that evening was "flirting". I guess at this age, a lot of us have lost/forgotten our groove and just can't bat our eyelashes like we used to. The instructor really covered more than just flirting, she discussed the psychology of men/women -- basically what they/we want in a mate, etc., but I remember mostly the flirting part. She is a "lame fat" [my way of remembering the acronym LMFT a.k.a. Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist] and had worked a great deal with women in abusive relationships.

I had my head in my hands a lot, and here's what I remember rolling my eyes at:

(1) Don't flick your hair off your face ... instead run your fingers through your hair ever so slowly to move your hair. [My boss, Steve, likes to do this with his eyes closed and biting his lips -- I shouldn't have told him about the meeting.]

(2) Don't shake your foot like you've had too much caffeine or having a spasm ... instead tap your foot ever so slowly -- just like a yoga stretch, but not. [Note that "ever so slowly" is repeated often. Just mimic any one of Charlie's Angels in slow motion and you're basically flirting.]

(3) To get the attention of a man from across the room, tilt your head ever so slightly, make eye contact, smile and look away. If he doesn't get your "come hither" look, try it out on someone else. Remember he's not rejecting you, just your style. [WHATEVER!]

(4) When a man asks for your number, don't give him a business card [Never mind convenience, I'm guessing this makes you look over eager and easy] ... instead write your number down [it's spontaneous and takes longer] and be sure to mention that he needs to leave a message as you do not return calls based on Caller ID notifications.

(5) Make men smile and compliment them when they do something nice, even if it's not for you. Our instructor's example of this was by talking like a valley girl [i.e. "Oh. My. Gosh! That was like so nice of you to not slam the door on that woman's face when you cut her off at the door!" or something like that].

To be fair, I did get quite a bit out of how you can tell if a man is abusive in three dates. Basically, he lacks empathy, personal responsibility and self control. I should write more about that, but what I've got down makes a better/funnier copy.

Yeah. So then my phone rang and I just had to take the call outside and missed the rest of the meeting ...