Late one foggy Halloween night ...

A man is walking home alone late one foggy Halloween night, when behind him he hears:

BUMP ... BUMP ... BUMP ...

Walking faster, he looks back and through the fog he makes out the image of an upright casket banging its way down the middle of the street toward him.

BUMP ... BUMP ... BUMP ...

Terrified, the man begins to run toward his home, the casket bouncing quickly behind him.

FASTER ... FASTER ... FASTER ...

BUMP ... BUMP ... BUMP ...

He runs up to his door, fumbles with his keys, opens the door, rushes in, slams and locks the door behind him. However, the casket crashes through his door, with the lid of the casket clapping.

Clappity-BUMP ... Clappity-BUMP ... Clappity-BUMP ...

... on his heels, as the terrified man runs. Rushing upstairs to the bathroom, he locks himself in. His heart is pounding; his head is reeling; his breath is coming in sobbing gasps. With a loud CRASH the casket breaks down the door. Bumping and clapping toward him. The man screams and reaches for something, anything, but all he can find is a bottle of cough syrup! Desperate, he throws the cough syrup at the casket ...

AND THE COFFIN STOPS.

"Vote early ... and often!"

I decided to vote early last night after work. I got to the Bountiful Library and went to the voting area. Right off the bat, a poll worker told me that from the end of the line where I was, it’ll take approximately 90 minutes to the voting booths! OMG! Luckily, I didn’t have anything else planned last night and I didn’t want to show up on Election Day when the other 70% of registered voters will be showing up. I asked for a pamphlet and reviewed the other items I’ll be voting for to kill the time in line. On the bright side, I only stood in line for an hour.

While in line, I started to chat with the man standing behind me who told me of his divorce, travels, etc. By the time we were within sight of the registration tables, he asked me for my phone number and possibly doing lunch. Too bad he cut me off in the parking lot earlier, smelled like cigarettes, and was at least two decades older. Why don’t men my own age ask me out? On the bright side, I only stood in line for an hour.

Autumn is here ...

Against the grey morning sky,

a bed of vibrant orange.

Autumn is here ...

"Change for the Better" by Journey

Yeah, I'm hooked on this song and can't stop listening to it. I've been playing the CD for a couple of weeks and keep going back to this song and listening to it over and over. Click on the link below to see and hear the final cut of the song on youtube. [Sigh ... I love Arnel Pineda]

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nNOuqZwUgfM

Down the lowest I can go
With no one left to turn
On the edge, I lose control
Before I crash and burn
Can I turn around
Slow it down, oh

Hold on, we've still got living to do
So far gone
See life for someone like you
In your eyes
You showed me reasons to live
Take time
The time it takes to forgive

It's my life, it'll change for the better
I've faced the light
It's worth the fight
See a new day
Start a new way
Get it straight
Make it change for the better

I was dying, a drowning man
And I wish you well
Pull me from the darkness
And save me from myself

Wake up, shake it off
Let go
What I'm pretending to be
I know
I'm still the man I could be, yeah

It's my life, it'll change for the better
I've faced the light
It's worth the fight
See a new day
Start a new way
Get it straight
Make a change for the better

I'm waking up to find
A different state of mind
There was a new place, I'm okay
I've changed for the better

I've opened up my eyes
I'm glad to be alive
It's never too late
To cheat fate
Changed for the better

And now then there is no hope
Until we are faced without
We can never fall in love
Until we learn to live without
In our love we can't find peace
Without conflict in our lives
And the healing will begin, oh
'Til we open up our eyes

It's my life, it'll change for the better
I've faced the light
It's worth the fights
See a new day
Start a new way
Get it straight
It all comes together

Made my mind up
There's still time enough
I'm all right
Made a change for the better

Change for the better
Change for the better, yeah
Oh, oh, oh
Yeah, I'm all right
Oh

Getting to know me ...

Okay, this is the second time I've gotten this exact email in about a couple of months. I'm not forwarding again to my friends (some who didn't bother to reply back), but I thought that this was one of the funner get-to-know-me emails. So, here it is again with today's answers:

1. What is your occupation right now?
A: Legal Secretary.

2. What color are your socks right now?
A: Still wearing sandals, so not wearing any.

3. What are you listening to right now?
A: Journey's "Revelation" CD ... specifically playing "Change for the Better" over and over again. I can't get enough of this song.

4. What was the last thing that you ate?
A: Chinese/Thai leftovers.

5. Can you drive a stick shift?
A: No.

6. Last person you spoke to on the phone?
A: A client.

7. Do you like the person who sent this to you?
A: Yes, otherwise she won't have my email address.

8. How old are you today?
A: 39.

9. What is your favorite sport to watch on TV?
A: Spelling Bee?

10. What is your favorite drink?
A: Limeaid and Coke ... not together.

11. Have you ever dyed your hair?
A: Tried to, but didn't take ... I blame the dye. I wanted a red tint to my hair.

12. Favorite food?
A: Depends on the mood, but I can always have pho or chinese brocolli.

13. What is the last movie you watched?
A: I saw "Traitor" a few weeks ago ... geez, has it been that long?

14. Favorite day of the year?
A: Don't really have one ... any day I don't have to do anything.

15. How do you vent anger?
A: Cry, sleep, or stew.

16. What was your favorite toy as a child?
A: A stick? just kidding probably the series of plastic dolls.

17. What is your favorite season?
A: Spring and Fall ... not too hot, not too cold, just right ...

18. What nicknames did you have as a child?
A: Ing, Nge.

19. Cherries or Blueberries?
A: Do I have to chose?

20. Do you want your friends to e-mail you back?
A: If they have time.

21. Who is the most likely to respond?
A: Whoever has time to kill.

22. Who is least likely to respond?
A: Whoever is annoyed.

23. Living arrangements?
A: All by myself/Don't wanna be/All by myself ... (Taking roommate applications. Male, temple worthy, must be willing to give a ring, half the mortgage and associated expenses and share last name and bed ... among other qualifications ...).

24. When was the last time you really cried?
A: A couple of days ago and I feel so much better now ... it's a female thing, I hear.

25. What is on the floor of your closet?
A: Shoes.

26. Who is the friend you have had the longest that you are sending this to?
A: Nobody, going on the blog.

27. What did you do last night?
A: Worked until 8:00, Shopping at Target for wedding and baby gifts.

28. What are you most afraid of?
A: "I've fallen and I can't get up" ... alone and no one can hear me calling for help.

29. Plain, cheese, or spicy hamburgers?
A: Teriyaki with swiss cheese and mushroom.

30. Favorite dog breed?
A: Cyber/robotic. It won't die if I don't feed it ... or walk it.

31. Favorite day of the week?
A: Saturday.

32. How many states have you lived in?
A: Three -- Hawaii, New York, Utah.

33. Diamonds or pearls?
A: Again, I have to choose?

34. What is your favorite flower?
A: Orchids.

35.Where is your favorite vacation spot?
A: Anywhere warm, with fresh fruits and seafood ... and drinks with the paper umbrellas ... served by a tanned, shirt-less cabana boy ... Hey, I'm allowed to dream, right?

Oh, what joy! Elder Folau's last email from the mission field.

Hard to believe it has been two years. So proud of this kid. Can't wait to see him again.

"It's my last letter to everyone from here. Some of the members decided to give me an early birthday party since I'm not going to be here with them. We baptized these three ... Thank you all for your prayers and you support. See you all on Wednesday. Time flies and the church is growing and growing and growing."

Justice is served!

On my way in to work this morning, I'm going a little above the speed limit on Beck Street, when the truck behind me honked, zoomed by me ... and may have even given me the finger. Flashing lights, motorcycle cop! Sweet justice. It's starting out well ... for me.

How flirting can be enriching ...

09/28/08 Update: Julie reminded me of a few other pointers I had forgotten:

1. Do not linger longer. (Give them a challenge -- don't be too available)

2. Be soft and femine. Men love curves. (What they really want in the ward is a Barbie, but whatever ...)

3. Create a Top 10 list. You need to know what you want and don't compromise. (This somewhat contradicts the bishop's advise to lower your expectation)

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

So about a couple of weeks ago, Julie convinced me to go with her to an Enrichment Meeting. [GASP! Hell is freezing over -- let's just also blame this on global warming.] I needed to see either the bishop or Brother Knowlton about the Career Development Seminar planned for that weekend, so I went. Of course, neither men I needed to see were there and so I stayed since my ride wasn't going to leave and I needed to support my friends in these callings every once in a while.

The topic of discussion that evening was "flirting". I guess at this age, a lot of us have lost/forgotten our groove and just can't bat our eyelashes like we used to. The instructor really covered more than just flirting, she discussed the psychology of men/women -- basically what they/we want in a mate, etc., but I remember mostly the flirting part. She is a "lame fat" [my way of remembering the acronym LMFT a.k.a. Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist] and had worked a great deal with women in abusive relationships.

I had my head in my hands a lot, and here's what I remember rolling my eyes at:

(1) Don't flick your hair off your face ... instead run your fingers through your hair ever so slowly to move your hair. [My boss, Steve, likes to do this with his eyes closed and biting his lips -- I shouldn't have told him about the meeting.]

(2) Don't shake your foot like you've had too much caffeine or having a spasm ... instead tap your foot ever so slowly -- just like a yoga stretch, but not. [Note that "ever so slowly" is repeated often. Just mimic any one of Charlie's Angels in slow motion and you're basically flirting.]

(3) To get the attention of a man from across the room, tilt your head ever so slightly, make eye contact, smile and look away. If he doesn't get your "come hither" look, try it out on someone else. Remember he's not rejecting you, just your style. [WHATEVER!]

(4) When a man asks for your number, don't give him a business card [Never mind convenience, I'm guessing this makes you look over eager and easy] ... instead write your number down [it's spontaneous and takes longer] and be sure to mention that he needs to leave a message as you do not return calls based on Caller ID notifications.

(5) Make men smile and compliment them when they do something nice, even if it's not for you. Our instructor's example of this was by talking like a valley girl [i.e. "Oh. My. Gosh! That was like so nice of you to not slam the door on that woman's face when you cut her off at the door!" or something like that].

To be fair, I did get quite a bit out of how you can tell if a man is abusive in three dates. Basically, he lacks empathy, personal responsibility and self control. I should write more about that, but what I've got down makes a better/funnier copy.

Yeah. So then my phone rang and I just had to take the call outside and missed the rest of the meeting ...

Facebook

I caved in. Created my facebook profile last night. Still pretty lost and spending a lot of time clicking on different things. Fun part is I'm finding old friends from high school and college, amongst other places. I have a feeling I'll be speding a bit of time on facebook in the next little while ... let's see how long I'll keep this up. Link to my facebook profile by clicking on the blog title (I hope it works).

Paper Products Coordinator

So a few years ago while an Enrichment Counselor in a RS presidency, I noticed how chaotic ward closets can be. I got my friend, Kurt, to help me one night pull everything out and reorganize the closets and we stuck all the paper goods in one closet. The bishop caught us reorganizing and that's when the lobbying for the calling of Paper Products Coordinator ("PPC") started. I got the calling, but I think it was because I had a written proposal submitted. Hey, you don't work for lobbyists and not learn a thing or two about getting what you want ... Anyway, giving the calling up to serve my Inner City Mission was tough, but it was for a greater good.

Fast forward a few years, I came back to the ward and of course the calling belonged to someone else. I've half-heartedly kidded around with the bishopric about getting the PPC calling back, but they won't let me have it. Apparently, they think I'm destined for something greater (ha ha).

Fast forward to Ward Council yesterday. Someone complained that the supply closet is not being maintained. I raised my hand and pointed out that I'm the ideal person for the job since I have memberships at both Costco and Sam's Club and that this would have never happened if I was in charge of the supply closet. Brother Knowlton's reply ... "You're called!"

YES!!! It's mine again! Now reconsolidating and organizing closets again, then some shopping at Costco for paper products. Go ahead, congratulate me for successfully lobbying for a calling ...