Justice is served!

On my way in to work this morning, I'm going a little above the speed limit on Beck Street, when the truck behind me honked, zoomed by me ... and may have even given me the finger. Flashing lights, motorcycle cop! Sweet justice. It's starting out well ... for me.

How flirting can be enriching ...

09/28/08 Update: Julie reminded me of a few other pointers I had forgotten:

1. Do not linger longer. (Give them a challenge -- don't be too available)

2. Be soft and femine. Men love curves. (What they really want in the ward is a Barbie, but whatever ...)

3. Create a Top 10 list. You need to know what you want and don't compromise. (This somewhat contradicts the bishop's advise to lower your expectation)

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

So about a couple of weeks ago, Julie convinced me to go with her to an Enrichment Meeting. [GASP! Hell is freezing over -- let's just also blame this on global warming.] I needed to see either the bishop or Brother Knowlton about the Career Development Seminar planned for that weekend, so I went. Of course, neither men I needed to see were there and so I stayed since my ride wasn't going to leave and I needed to support my friends in these callings every once in a while.

The topic of discussion that evening was "flirting". I guess at this age, a lot of us have lost/forgotten our groove and just can't bat our eyelashes like we used to. The instructor really covered more than just flirting, she discussed the psychology of men/women -- basically what they/we want in a mate, etc., but I remember mostly the flirting part. She is a "lame fat" [my way of remembering the acronym LMFT a.k.a. Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist] and had worked a great deal with women in abusive relationships.

I had my head in my hands a lot, and here's what I remember rolling my eyes at:

(1) Don't flick your hair off your face ... instead run your fingers through your hair ever so slowly to move your hair. [My boss, Steve, likes to do this with his eyes closed and biting his lips -- I shouldn't have told him about the meeting.]

(2) Don't shake your foot like you've had too much caffeine or having a spasm ... instead tap your foot ever so slowly -- just like a yoga stretch, but not. [Note that "ever so slowly" is repeated often. Just mimic any one of Charlie's Angels in slow motion and you're basically flirting.]

(3) To get the attention of a man from across the room, tilt your head ever so slightly, make eye contact, smile and look away. If he doesn't get your "come hither" look, try it out on someone else. Remember he's not rejecting you, just your style. [WHATEVER!]

(4) When a man asks for your number, don't give him a business card [Never mind convenience, I'm guessing this makes you look over eager and easy] ... instead write your number down [it's spontaneous and takes longer] and be sure to mention that he needs to leave a message as you do not return calls based on Caller ID notifications.

(5) Make men smile and compliment them when they do something nice, even if it's not for you. Our instructor's example of this was by talking like a valley girl [i.e. "Oh. My. Gosh! That was like so nice of you to not slam the door on that woman's face when you cut her off at the door!" or something like that].

To be fair, I did get quite a bit out of how you can tell if a man is abusive in three dates. Basically, he lacks empathy, personal responsibility and self control. I should write more about that, but what I've got down makes a better/funnier copy.

Yeah. So then my phone rang and I just had to take the call outside and missed the rest of the meeting ...

Facebook

I caved in. Created my facebook profile last night. Still pretty lost and spending a lot of time clicking on different things. Fun part is I'm finding old friends from high school and college, amongst other places. I have a feeling I'll be speding a bit of time on facebook in the next little while ... let's see how long I'll keep this up. Link to my facebook profile by clicking on the blog title (I hope it works).

Paper Products Coordinator

So a few years ago while an Enrichment Counselor in a RS presidency, I noticed how chaotic ward closets can be. I got my friend, Kurt, to help me one night pull everything out and reorganize the closets and we stuck all the paper goods in one closet. The bishop caught us reorganizing and that's when the lobbying for the calling of Paper Products Coordinator ("PPC") started. I got the calling, but I think it was because I had a written proposal submitted. Hey, you don't work for lobbyists and not learn a thing or two about getting what you want ... Anyway, giving the calling up to serve my Inner City Mission was tough, but it was for a greater good.

Fast forward a few years, I came back to the ward and of course the calling belonged to someone else. I've half-heartedly kidded around with the bishopric about getting the PPC calling back, but they won't let me have it. Apparently, they think I'm destined for something greater (ha ha).

Fast forward to Ward Council yesterday. Someone complained that the supply closet is not being maintained. I raised my hand and pointed out that I'm the ideal person for the job since I have memberships at both Costco and Sam's Club and that this would have never happened if I was in charge of the supply closet. Brother Knowlton's reply ... "You're called!"

YES!!! It's mine again! Now reconsolidating and organizing closets again, then some shopping at Costco for paper products. Go ahead, congratulate me for successfully lobbying for a calling ...

New Do

I do love how Tuan styles my hair ... we'll see if I can do it again once I wash it.

Utah's Attorney General, Mark Shurtleff

It's campaign season and candidates are making their rounds. Mark Shurtleff came to our office earlier this week to make a presentation and solicit our votes. I wasn't expecting much from an incumbent ahead in the polls, but he did impress me. A lot of the services they offer are on the web and I've actually signed up for a thing or two. I thought you might want to check it out also.

Amber Alerts:

http://www.wirelessamberalerts.org/

Child Protection Agency:

http://www.utahkidsregistry.com/

Internet Safety:

http://www.netsmartz.org/

http://www.webwisekids.org/

Youth Access to Alcohol:

http://www.parentsempowered.org/

Crime Reports:

http://www.crimereports.com/

ID Theft Reporting:

http://www.idtheft.utah.gov/

Official Website of the AG:

http://www.attorneygeneral.utah.gov/

Shurtleff's Campaign Site:

http://www.shurtleff2008.com/

No "Rebel Yell"

One night only, Hard Rock Cafe, Las Vegas ... Billy Idol! In a few hours fans will be crying, "More, more, more", instead I'm crying "Big River" and remembering Johnny Cash on the anniversary of his death. I guess it was pretty much decided that I wouldn't be going when I scraped my car against that pole the other day. Still, it would've been fun to just jump on a plane, go to the concert and fly back ... totally life of a rock star. Oh well ... not if you don't have the money rock stars have.

Wet Pants

My friend, Anya, sent this yesterday as my terrible, horrible, no good, very bad day came to an end. What perfect timing.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

Come with me to a third grade classroom ... There is a nine-year-old kid sitting at his desk and all of a sudden, there is a puddle between his feet and the front of his pants are wet. He thinks his heart is going to stop because he cannot possibly imagine how this has happened. It's never happened before, and he knows that when the boys find out he will never hear the end of it. When the girls find out, they'll never speak to him again as long as he lives.

The boy believes his heart is going to stop; he puts his head down and prays this prayer, "Dear God, this is an emergency! I need help now! Five minutes from now I'm dead meat."

He looks up from his prayer and here comes the teacher with a look in her eyes that says he has been discovered.

As the teacher is walking toward him, a classmate named Susie is carrying a goldfish bowl that is filled with water. Susie trips in front of the teacher and inexplicably dumps the bowl of water in the boy's lap.

The boy pretends to be angry, but all the while is saying to himself, "Thank you, Lord! Thank you, Lord!"

Now all of a sudden, instead of being the object of ridicule, the boy is the object of sympathy. The teacher rushes him downstairs and gives him gym shorts to put on while his pants dry out. All the other children are on their hands and knees cleaning up around his desk. The sympathy is wonderful. But as life would have it, the ridicule that should have been his has been transferred to someone else - Susie

She tries to help, but they tell her to get out. "You've done enough, you klutz!"

Finally, at the end of the day, as they are waiting for the bus, the boy walks over to Susie and whispers, "You did that on purpose, didn't you?" Susie whispers back, "I wet my pants once too."

May God help us see the opportunities that are always around us to do good.

Note: I'm praying for someone to hit my car on the side I scraped ... and have their insurance cover the cost of repair.

Inge and the Terrible, Horrible, No Good, Very Bad Day

I slept through the alarms and woke up at 9:00. I called work and notified the receptionist that I'll be coming in late and she offered to notify my bosses and the office manager. On my way out of the condo complex, I realized that I had left my lunch on the counter at home. I could tell it was going to be a terrible, horrible, no good, very bad day.

I went back to get my lunch and in my haste to get in and out the door, I scraped my car against a pole. Now the rear passenger door and the side panel is damaged. One of the lenses popped out of my sunglasses. I want to move to Australia.

I got in to work 45 minutes late. The receptionist told me that she forgot to send out the email notifying my bosses and the office manager that I'm coming in late. My bosses were not happy that I showed up late without "calling in". I was late turning in my timesheet and I'll be working through lunch to make up for coming in late. I'm having a terrible, horrible, no good very bad day and I wish I'm in Australia.

I needed a Dove dark chocolate ... the quote inside my wrapper said "Flirting is mandatory". Yeah, the way this day is going I'll be flirting with danger/disaster. I found Alexander's story online, but my real player won't work, but if I remember right ... terrible, horrible, no good, very bad days happen ... even in Australia.

Note: Link to the online story of Alexander by clicking on the blog title.

Don't park here!

Went to dinner with Kay Lynn last night. I noticed the sign and busted out laughing. I hope it's effective.

Oh, my poem, "The Tainted Woman", applied to me again last night ... chocolate cake on my pink sweater.