My Own Hallmark Store

I'm guilty of this. I have boxes of cards that I keep at my desk. Unless it is totally spot on for some people, you know it's a last minute card from me if the card is not one I personally made. Ooops ... maybe I shouldn't have disclosed that.

Nightmare Blind Date

09/04/08 Update: Two out of three members of my bishopric justified my attitude based on this blog entry. One of them even called this experience a "date from hell".

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09/02/2008 Update: Okay, I feel a bit guilty about this entry, especially after all the talks in church this past Sunday on courting and relationships. The talks were reprimands to me to give men more of a chance and not too expect too much in the temporal and material of them. I realize that not every woman will marry a doctor, lawyer or Indian chief and there are lots of plain Joes who earn a good honest living sufficient to sustain a family. Still, I think this was a funny entry in my journal, so take it with a grain of salt and keep in mind that this happened ages ago and I'm trying to not be so materialistic ...

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I found this journal entry the other day on a flash drive -- I must've forgotten to transfer it to the home computer and print it out for my journal file. The entry was dated 09-29-2005, but upon reference to my planner the date took place on 04-11-2003 -- I know, I'm so good at recording my entries in a timely manner. I am trying to be better ... While I'm now once again open to set-ups, please make sure that we have more in common other than we're both single and LDS. Thanks!

Note: I will refer to my blind date as "K" to protect the innocent.

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It has been AGES since I’ve been on a blind date, and the last one was more than adequate to make me not ever want to go on another blind date.

I had been emailing a man who is a couple of years older than I for a few weeks when he started pushing for a meeting. I wasn't quite ready to meet him, but agreed to the date. Since I work downtown, we agreed to meet at a mall there after work on a Friday before heading out to dinner.

Prior to meeting "K", he sent this cute picture of him with several of his nieces and nephews. It was therefore a surprise to me when the face that greeted me didn’t quite match up to the photo I had seen. In the picture, the man with all those cute kids had fuller hair and was at least 30 pounds lighter. But whatever, I’m not that shallow and since we were already here, I had to give him a chance, right? Right off the bat, he wanted to give me a hug ... which I half-heartedly responded to. At the time, I had been experiencing some back problems, so I asked if he wouldn’t mind going with me to a drug store first to get some kind of pain reliever before heading out to dinner – I mention this because this comes in handy as I now have a valid and true excuse to end the date if it ever becomes too painful.

So, we got my drugs and I thought that dinner would be nice as it will allow us to talk and get to know one another. Since he doesn’t come downtown much, he asked for a recommendation for a restaurant. I mentioned a few, but they were apparently out of his price range as he then mentioned that he didn’t "have much money" and asked if we could go to an inexpensive restaurant instead. Hmmm. At least he's honest and upfront about it. He was game to try just about any types of food. So, I recommended Mi La Cai, a dive that offered great Vietnamese food and he agreed to go there.

Since I knew the way and my car was nearby, I drove us to the restaurant. I recommended my favorite items on the menu and he ordered the same things I did. With that out of the way, I started to ask questions to get to know him better. His answers were short for the most part and what followed is why I'm cured of blind dates for the time being.

1. When "K" asked what I did for a living and I told him, he ranted on how much he hated lawyers because "lawyers are liars". I mentioned that not all lawyers are bad and that if you really think about it, Christ is going to be our ultimate defense attorney. He got all huffy and called me blasphemous. Why does he hate lawyers so much? "K" was apparently in a car accident (where I assume that he was at fault and caused some serious damage) and the other party's lawyer took him to the cleaners. That explains a few things ...

2. "K" lived with his brother who just got fired from his job at the DI (Deseret Industries -- a thrift shop). How the heck? The majority of people who work at the DI got the job from the LDS Church to tie them over until they acquire some other skills for better employment. The only way I can think of someone getting fired from such a job is if they stole or did something illegal on the premises. Winner!

3. "K" recently quit his job so he can "focus" on his schooling. Not bad, he's trying to better himself. "What are you studying?" I asked. I'm thinking a different degree, post-graduate work, a thesis that he is finishing up ... No, he gave up a job at Albertsons so he can focus on becoming a Certified Nurses' Assistant. A CNA? Those courses only last a couple of months, right? How hard could it be that you'd have to give up a job to focus on it? Basically, he gave up a minimum wage job stocking shelves so he can clean bed pans for a couple of dollars more. Okay, fine ... I'm being a bit shallow and materialistic here. In my defense, at this stage in my life, if I am to get serious with anyone, I want someone who can afford a family. The biological clock is tickin' and as soon as I'm married, I'm goin' to start poppin' out them babies as fast as I can and he better be able to afford 'em 'cause I ain't workin' no more.

4. At one point during dinner, my napkin slid off my lap. I bent down to pick it up and as I got up, I caught a glance of a patch of white on his khaki pants. What the ... ? He had a hole on the crotch of his pants! What am I supposed to do with this information? Do I tell him, do I not? Argh! ... I ignored it ... the date wasn't going very well anyway and my back is starting to hurt again (probably from the stress this is putting me through). Took out the pain reliever and popped a couple of pills ...

5. The tab arrived and the server handed it to "K". "K" looked at the tab, put in some cash and slid the tab to me. I took a look and he had put in exactly the amount on the menu for the entree -- no tax, no tip, and apparently he did not intend to pay for his drink. Nice. I forked out an extra $8 to cover his shortcomings. This date is definitely over.

6. I told "K" that I needed to call it a night because of the back pain and offered to take him to his vehicle. "Oh, I wasn't planning on our date ending so soon," Special K said, "the next bus doesn't come around until 9 o'clock. Will you take me home?" OMG!!! I took him home (in Holliday and he showed me the Albertsons where he used to work on the way there) and I tried hard not to stare at the hole on his crotch. Date started at 6:00 p.m. I was at a Media Play near his apartment by 7:30 p.m. checking out some DVDs and trying to calm down.

Thanks to caller ID, I was able to ignore his phone calls in the next couple of days. About four/five days later, I thought I better tell him that I'm not interested in another date. I emailed him (since that's how it all started) and told him that I had enjoyed meeting him, but that it doesn't seem like we had a lot in common and wished him luck in finding someone. Multiple responses from "K" containing racial slurs and he called me shallow and materialistic. Blocked him from ever sending me an email again. Nice. Never again!

It's soooo cold in here ...

I swear that I am located next to women who are constantly having hot flashes at the office. They are always hot even in the middle of winter! This morning the thermostat was set to the -4 which is the coldest setting. I'm sitting here typing this wearing a shawl and seriously thinking about making myself some hot chocolate instead of drinking my cold V8 juice. Why do these women come to work wearing jackets if they're always so hot?

Once upon a time, I had a little space heater in my cubicle, but when the outlet that the powerstrip was plugged into caught on fire, they took away my heating privileges and won't let me have another one. Luckily, the incident happened during the day while there were people around. My boss, Brian, was about to dictate something to me when he said, "Is that smoke coming from under your desk?" Smoke, what smoke? We quickly yanked the powerstrip off the outlet and Brian was able to just blow the tiny fire out.

Fire Drills

I hate fire drills! Whenever we have fire drills, I'd listen for sirens and look out the window to see if fire trucks are coming, if there aren't any around ... I keep working, despite of the threats from our "Fire Wardens". I hate that I have to drop everything, walk down nine floors, and then another couple of blocks to our work's rendezvous point. Most of all, I hate the flashing lights throughout the office which is just as annoying as the mechanical voice that orders you to get out. I know, I know, I'll be a Chinese-Indonesian BBQ if I don't get out and I need to be better when it comes to following orders -- especially when it'll save my life. So, I thought if they would play a fun soundtrack, it might just get me up and moving out of the office. So far, I have the following songs:

"Burning Down the House" -- Talking Heads
"The Roof Is On Fire" -- Rock Master Scott & the Dynamic Three
"We Didn't Start the Fire" -- Billy Joel
"Hearts on Fire" -- Randy Meisner
"Ring of Fire" -- Johnny Cash
"Hot, Hot, Hot" -- Buster Poindexter
"John Law Burned Down the Liquor Sto'"
"The Flame" -- Cheap Trick
"The Safety Dance" -- Men Without Hats

What do you think? I'd get up and dance my way to safety, wouldn't you? Any other suggestions?

This bites!

So I went for a walk at Bountiful Lake last Wednesday night. By Thursday afternoon, I'm starting to itch and finding bug bites all over my legs and arms and they hurt. Scratch, scratch, scratch, scratch, scratch! Ugh! The bite marks are so ugly that I'm digging out my long-sleeved tops to cover the ugly welts despite the near triple-digit temperature forecasted for today.

The Tainted Woman

There he sat in the tub ...
His dark skin glistening,
Tempting me with sweetness.

I had to have him!
I gave up all I had
And greedily I devoured.

A drop and I am marked.
Chocolate ice cream ...
on my white blouse.

I wrote the original version of this poem while serving as a missionary in Yogyakarta, Indonesia (circa 1993), based on a cold treat I had one hot afternoon. I've since misplaced the poem and this was an attempt to reconstruct it about a decade later. I thought about it today because, well ... I seem to need a bib when eating a cold treat.

Hari Kemerdekaan Indonesia

Celebrated the Indonesian Independence Day today with a few Indonesian friends. What's not to enjoy? Great Indonesian food and friends. I had forgotten so much of Indonesia's history, but it was good to have a refresher course again as we played games after dinner. We even sang the Indonesian national anthem.

When I was sworn in to be a U.S. citizen in 1997, Judge Sam told us of his Polish immigrant background and reminded us that what makes U.S.A. so great is our diversity. He urged us to remember our culture or traditions as it is what contributes to the richness of America.

To find out more about Indonesia, click on the blog title for a wikipedia entry of the country.

“Indonesia Raya”
Official Lyrics based on PP No. 4 tahun 1958
Used as the official national anthem

Indonesia, tanah airku, tanah tumpah darahku.
Di sanalah aku berdiri, jadi pandu ibuku.
Indonesia, kebangsaanku, bangsa dan tanah airku.
Marilah kita berseru, "Indonesia bersatu!"
Hiduplah tanahku, hiduplah neg'riku,
Bangsaku, rakyatku, semuanya.
Bangunlah jiwanya, bangunlah badannya
Untuk Indonesia Raya!

CHORUS:
Indonesia Raya, merdeka, merdeka
Tanahku, neg'riku yang kucinta.
Indonesia Raya, merdeka, merdeka
Hiduplah Indonesia Raya!

English translation of lyrics:

Indonesia my native land, the land where I shed my blood.
There I stand, being a soldier of my mother.
(Note: "mother" here refers to Ibu Pertiwi which means 'motherland')
Indonesia my nationality, my nation and my country.
Let us exclaim "United Indonesia!"
Live my land, live my state,
My nation, my people, all.
Build its spirit, build its bodies
For Great Indonesia!

CHORUS:
Great Indonesia, independent and free,
My land, my country, which I love.
(probably equivalent to English's Long live my land)
Great Indonesia, independent and free,
Live Great Indonesia!

T-G-I-F

After a long week, a man gets on a bus and sits next to a woman. "T-G-I-F," he said to the woman. "S-H-I-T," the woman replied. A moment of shock ... She must have misheard him or just didn't understand what TGIF meant, so he repeats himself. "Lady, I said T-G-I-F, you know 'thank goodness it's Friday'?" "Oh, I know," she replied, "... and I said S-H-I-T, 'sorry honey, it's Thursday'."

"I can't understand her accent." (circa 1996)

I was once asked to get some refreshment for a service project. So, right after I got off work, I went to the bakery at the basement of the downtown Salt Lake ZCMI. I took a number and stood in line to wait for my turn. When my number was called, a man of Indian/Pakistani descent served me. After I asked him for “two dozen assorted donuts”, he grabbed two wax paper bags and handed me two donuts. Of course, as with every occasion when you are misunderstood, I repeated my request slower and louder. “Two do-zen as-sort-ed do-nuts!” I yelled out. Baffled, he looked at me and again offered me the two donuts, “Yes, yes, here it is. Two donuts.” “No, no, no! Two do-zen as-sort-ed do-nuts!!!” I repeated even slower and louder. The other customers started to stare at the commotion. Confused, my server turned to his co-worker and said, “What is she saying? I can’t understand her accent.” I have an accent! I have an accent! This man is talking like Abu … and I’m the one with the accent? His co-worker turned to him and replied, “She wants 24 different donuts.” Understanding dawned on his face. “Well, why does she not say so in the first place? That, I understand.”

Imagine that … working in a bakery and he doesn’t understand the word “dozen”. I walked away with my two dozen assorted donuts and the new found knowledge that I have an accent some people can’t understand.

Can you say "Psycho"?

Some stories are just so bizzare, they can't be made up. I saw this in the UK's Daily Mail Online. Click on the blog title to link to the actual story. Be warned that there's a picture of her posing in the buff (those in the mother land are so much more liberal than we are on this side of the pond). The reporting isn't the most accurate when it comes to our church practices, but the story is still very entertaining.

The sum of it is that this woman kidnapped a Mormon missionary 30 years ago in England and raped him. Disappeared before trial concluded. Attempted to kidnap the same man again. Cloned her dead pitbull recently. Someone recognized her and this is how the whole business of the "Mormon Sex Slave" is raked up again ...