T-G-I-F

After a long week, a man gets on a bus and sits next to a woman. "T-G-I-F," he said to the woman. "S-H-I-T," the woman replied. A moment of shock ... She must have misheard him or just didn't understand what TGIF meant, so he repeats himself. "Lady, I said T-G-I-F, you know 'thank goodness it's Friday'?" "Oh, I know," she replied, "... and I said S-H-I-T, 'sorry honey, it's Thursday'."

"I can't understand her accent." (circa 1996)

I was once asked to get some refreshment for a service project. So, right after I got off work, I went to the bakery at the basement of the downtown Salt Lake ZCMI. I took a number and stood in line to wait for my turn. When my number was called, a man of Indian/Pakistani descent served me. After I asked him for “two dozen assorted donuts”, he grabbed two wax paper bags and handed me two donuts. Of course, as with every occasion when you are misunderstood, I repeated my request slower and louder. “Two do-zen as-sort-ed do-nuts!” I yelled out. Baffled, he looked at me and again offered me the two donuts, “Yes, yes, here it is. Two donuts.” “No, no, no! Two do-zen as-sort-ed do-nuts!!!” I repeated even slower and louder. The other customers started to stare at the commotion. Confused, my server turned to his co-worker and said, “What is she saying? I can’t understand her accent.” I have an accent! I have an accent! This man is talking like Abu … and I’m the one with the accent? His co-worker turned to him and replied, “She wants 24 different donuts.” Understanding dawned on his face. “Well, why does she not say so in the first place? That, I understand.”

Imagine that … working in a bakery and he doesn’t understand the word “dozen”. I walked away with my two dozen assorted donuts and the new found knowledge that I have an accent some people can’t understand.

Can you say "Psycho"?

Some stories are just so bizzare, they can't be made up. I saw this in the UK's Daily Mail Online. Click on the blog title to link to the actual story. Be warned that there's a picture of her posing in the buff (those in the mother land are so much more liberal than we are on this side of the pond). The reporting isn't the most accurate when it comes to our church practices, but the story is still very entertaining.

The sum of it is that this woman kidnapped a Mormon missionary 30 years ago in England and raped him. Disappeared before trial concluded. Attempted to kidnap the same man again. Cloned her dead pitbull recently. Someone recognized her and this is how the whole business of the "Mormon Sex Slave" is raked up again ...

"Man tries to escape traffic jam ..."

I saw this article in The Salt Lake Tribune this afternoon. Ha ha ha ha ha ... "LOL" and "idiot" came up a lot on the comment board. Ah ... I needed a good laugh.

A 37-year-old driver who relied on Google to find a new way to Bountiful in the midst of Tuesday night's heavy traffic congestion ended up rolling his vehicle on a dirt road.

A 210,000-pound big rig had rolled earlier in the day in the northbound lanes of Interstate 15 near Center Street in Davis County. It backed up traffic to the 3300 South area in South Salt Lake, according to reports.

The driver became frustrated with the obstructions, according to a Salt Lake City police report, so he pulled up Google Earth on his cell phone and found what he thought to be a alternate route.

Jeff Bedard, spokesman with Salt Lake City police, said the driver had determined through aerial maps that a dirt road connected Salt Lake and Davis counties in the area of Ensign Peak and the ongoing City Creek fire. But as the man attempted to navigate the track, he tried to turn back and rolled the Jeep off the dirt surface, Bedard said. Police could not recover the vehicle and advised the man to contact watershed officials to get the Jeep back, he said. The driver, who was uninjured, was found not far from the flames of the City Creek Canyon fire. Bedard said the man apparently drove through gates that marked the path as restricted.

Charges have not been filed, but they are pending as police review the accident report and speak with prosecutors, Bedard said. "It's human nature to want to avoid traffic, but common sense should prevail," he said.

Elvis Costello/The Police

A much better crowd around us this time around and we coordinated sufficiently to travel to the amphitheater in two cars, thus enabling us to use the carpool lanes and parking lot. Some thought we were leaving too early, but the few of us who were there last week knew better.

These weren't quite the sing-along bands like the ones we saw last week. Elvis Costello was great, but we really didn't know his songs. We recognized a few of his songs, but not well enough to be able to sing along. Sting came out at one point and sang with him and that was probably the highlight of the set.

The Police was great. Sting looked so good! His band-mates, another story ... they have not aged well. The drummer was pretty toned, but he looked like he was flapping his gums half of the time the camera was on him. Were his dentures loose? The bass player ... Ugh! At one point, the camera was on him and he had a look of pain on his face. Constipated? Crapping a pineapple? One can only guess. Oh, please. Let's just put the camera back on Sting. No straight women and gay men were disappointed that Sting wore a tight fitting black t-shirt and his voice ... better than ever.

No altercation with our group. However, as we walked to the parking lot, we saw one. Some obnoxious idiots in a minivan decided that they won't stand in line to get out of the venue, so they drove down the side of a dirt road to cut in at the head of the line (which by the way is right by our car), screaming and laughing at everyone else in line. A man who had been waiting in line was justifiably upset, so he got out of the car and confronted them. Some chest bumping and shoving, but (of course) no police/security around and friends held them back from killing each other. Got out of there in 30 minutes ... a much better experience. Still, next time I'll pay for seats.

"If you want my love, you've got it!"

I got a group together to go see Cheap Trick, Heart and Journey at the USANA Amphitheater on Friday. Getting in and out of the place was a nightmare and the crowd by us were drunk and stupid, but the bands' performance was AWESOME!

I left work at 4:00 and carpooled with Laura to stand in line and reserve some lawn space for the others who couldn't leave work earlier. Got to the parking lot about 5:15 and the line from the gate was about half a mile long already. Gates were supposed to open at 5:30 and the opened it closer to 5:45. Got pretty decent lawn space and sat there to enjoy the summer day as we wait for the rest of our group and the concert to start at 7:00.

Cheap Trick opened as I sat there by myself (Laura was in a hideous line buying a t-shirt) and screamed out the lyrics to "Dream Police", "I want you to want me" ... fun, but lonely.

By the time Heart came on stage, most people in my group were there. Forget trying to coordinate finding each other over the noise, I lost my voice screaming into the phone and finally resorted to texting.

Everyone was there by the time the main attraction came on stage. If there was ever a doubt that Journey's new lead singer had revived the band, doubt no more. The 40-year-old Filipino, Arnel Pineda, ROCKED!!! So much better than Steve Perry and boy does he know how to rock! As I've purchased their latest CD a couple of months ago, I knew the lyrics to most of their new songs and was able to scream it out with like-minded fans. Four hours of rockin' and a rollin' -- WHAT A BLAST!

There were a few things that made the night's experience unsavory aside from the parking:

1. The group of people a few yards behind us were drinking quite heavily and by the time Journey came on, they were sloshed. They were so obnoxious that people around them started moving away during the concert. A woman in the group got on a man's shoulder then pulled down the top of her strapless dress ... of course, she had nothing on underneath. If she wanted to act like a slut, that's her problem. She covered her boobs with one arm while waving the other, but why the heck would you pull down your top if you're going to cover them with your arm? Twice during the concert she did this. What got me so mad was that about five yards in front of us were a group of 12-year-old boys. Since the crowd around them dispersed, my group was the only thing standing between them and these boys. I was not about to have this woman go anywhere near the boys and I was ready to slug her if she ever got anywhere near us.

2. At one point the drunken group did get a bit too close and Darci turned around to tell them to back off. Since Darci had her hands up to indicate for them to back off, the woman who kept pulling her top down thought that she said something complimentary about her boobs. Darci straightened her fingers and motioned once again and yelled for them to back off. The woman was so drunk that she didn't understand what Darci was saying, but her friend did. She told Darci to F-off and loosen up. So unnecessary.

3. That same woman who swore at Darci, got her hands in a man's pants and was playing with his junk.

4. To top the night off ... we glanced over and saw this fat chick pull down her pants, squatted and peed. All this while balancing her full cup of beer in one hand on the grass right by our blankets. So disgusting! Apparently, she had done this earlier in the evening, but we had no idea what it was she was doing.

Where were the police and security during all this? No where near us.

An hour and a half getting out of the parking lot that night. Well, at least Laura and I had a chance to talk and listen to some really good music in the car.

I told my co-workers about my experience and being in a law office, we determined that we could've filed charges for indecent exposure, lewdity and urinating in public. We should've take pictures so we might have some evidence when we file a complaint, but who wants to? It was all just too gross.

We've got tickets to see The Police in concert next Saturday. I just hope the crowd is better. I don't think I want to ever get lawn seats at this amphitheater again.

Friends with Superman

"I forgot to tell you guys that I'm friends with Superman out here." ~ Elder Folau

Update from Elder Folau

I just have to share theis picture. Elder Folau is always smiling in his photos, but this one with these ninos is just too cute to keep to myself.

Judith Matthews

I had dinner with the Godfreys in early August (the first since Christmas) and they told me in passing that Judith Matthews had passed away last July 2006. Her Visiting Teachers had attempted to contact Judith repeatedly to no avail, so they called the police to check on her and that was when they found her body in her apartment. It looked like she had purposefully overdosed on her medication and from the decomposition of the body, the police/medics thought she had been dead for about three weeks, which was about the last time her Visiting Teachers had last visited her. They notified the Godfreys as they were her emergency contact. Judith didn't leave a note; however, she did have some kind of will that expressed her wishes on how to dispose of her property and remains. No obituary, she was cremated and her ashes sent to a childhood friend for him to scatter at a place where they used to play as children.

Although not surprised that Judith had taken her own life, the news of her death was unexpected. I knew Judith from when I was her roommate for a few months in NYC. She was a very interesting lady. A large woman, she claimed to have suffered from chronic fatigue syndrome among other ailments. Very strong minded. Fascinated with the Middle East where she had once lived and worked. Lonely ... I remember her internet dating in 1995 before such a thing was even common place or popular. I could see from my last encounter with her that she was depressed and anti-social. Just made me wonder if there was anything that could've been done to help her out. How much of the desperation she must have felt during the end of her life was of her own doing? How did she get so depressed that taking her life was the only option out?

Sophia's First Birthday Party

It's Sophia's first birthday party and she's wearing the dress I bought her. Isn't she just so adorable? I want to just eat her up and pinch those chubby cheeks.