It's all about ... !nge: Say what?

Sunday, December 26, 2010

Say what?

I got a baked potato bag for Christmas with the following instructions:

Wash and dry potatoes [about the potato].

Wrap potatoes in a paper towel [about the potato].

DO NOT PIERCE SKIN! [about the potato]

Place potatoes in bag and the microwave [about the potato], as usual, according to manufacturer's directions until done. [According to manufacturer of what? The potato? "God, please direct me as to this potato."]

They laughed at me when I asked aloud, but I think something was lost in the instructions ...

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And I quote ...

He who can, does. He who cannot, teaches. ~ George Bernard Shaw, Man and Superman (1903) "Maxims for Revolutionists"

I believe that every human has a finite number of heart-beats. I don't intend to waste any of mine running around doing exercises. ~ Buzz Aldrin

Delusions of grandeur make me feel a lot better about myself. ~ Jane Wagner

Reading made Don Quixote a gentleman. Believing what he read made him mad. ~ George Bernard Shaw

When a man tells you that he got rich through hard work, ask him: "Whose?" ~ Don Marquis

A superstition is a premature explanation that overstays its time. ~ George Iles

I like a woman with a head on her shoulders. I hate necks. ~ Steve Martin

Where we have strong emotions, we're liable to fool ourselves. ~ Carl Sagan, Cosmos (Blues for a Red Planet)

I never believed in Santa Claus because I knew no white dude would come into my neighborhood after dark. ~ Dick Gregory

I've gone into hundreds of [fortune-teller's parlors], and have been told thousands of things, but nobody ever told me I was a policewoman getting ready to arrest her. ~ New York City detective

I am at two with nature. ~ Woody Allen

Among those whom I like or admire, I can find no common denominator, but among those whom I love, I can: all of them make me laugh. ~ W. H. Auden

Our problem is not that we aim too high and miss, but that we aim too low and hit. ~ Aristotle

When you’re through changing, you’re through. ~ Bruce Barton

A sympathetic Scot summed it all up very neatly in the remark, “You should make a point of trying every experience once, excepting incest and folk dancing.” ~ Sir Arnold Bax, Farewell my Youth (1943)

A person without a sense of humor is like a wagon without springs, jolted by every pebble in the road. ~ Henry Ward Beecher

Affliction comes to us all not to make us sad, but sober; not to make us sorry, but wise. It is trial that proves one thing weak and another strong. A cobweb is as good as the mightiest cable when no strain is put upon it. ~ Henry Ward Beecher

I am not a vegetarian because I love animals; I am a vegetarian because I hate plants. ~ A. Whitney Brown

Happiness is having a large, loving, caring, close-knit family in another city. ~ George Burns

The soul would have no rainbow had the eyes no tears. ~ John Vance Cheney, poet (1848-1922)

Defer not till tomorrow to be wise. Tomorrow's sun to thee may never rise. ~ William Congreve

When it is dark enough, you can see the stars. ~ Ralph Waldo Emerson, writer and philosopher (1803-1882)

I’ve been on a diet for two weeks and all I’ve lost is two weeks. ~ Totie Fields

Estimated amount of glucose used by an adult human brain each day, expressed in M&Ms: 250 ~ Harper’s Index, October 1989

Fig Newton: The force required to accelerate a fig 39.37 inches per sec. ~ J. Hart

After twelve years of therapy my psychiatrist said something that brought tears to my eyes. He said, 'No hablo ingles.' ~ Ronnie Shakes

Duct tape is like the force. It has a light side, a dark side, and it holds the universe together ... ~ Carl Zwanzig

These are a few of my favorite things:

Food: Chinese brocolli w/ black mushroom and fried tofu
Food: Dark chocolate
Food: Pho and avocado shake
Food: Rice pudding from The Bakery/The Other Place/Lamb's
Food: Shaved ice with azuki beans
Food: Simply Limeade/Lemonade
Musical and movie: "Mamma Mia"
Musical: "Starlight Express"
Musical: "The Phantom of the Opera"
Radio: KSL - "The Twilight Zone"
Radio: NPR - "All Things Considered"
Radio: NPR - "Fresh Air"
Radio: NPR - "On the Media"
Radio: NPR - "Prairie Home Companion"
Radio: NPR - "Selected Shorts"
Radio: NPR - "This American Life"
Radio: NPR - "Weekend Edition"
TV: "Masterpiece Theatre" & "Mystery"
TV: "Monk"
TV: "Psych"
TV: "The Closer"
TV: Anthony Bourdain's "No Reservations"

Sunday, December 26, 2010

Say what?

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