Kirby: Why does no one miss me when I miss church?

Like Kirby, I don't think I'm missed much when I'm not in church. I've not ever seen a zucchini or brownies on my doorstep upon returning home on a Sunday night.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

Kirby: Why does no one miss me when I miss church?

By Robert Kirby

The Salt Lake Tribune

July 8, 2010 02:49PM

Until last Sunday, I hadn’t been to church in more than a month. Work or family obligations kept me away, although there was that one Sunday when I just couldn’t be bothered to get dressed.

A month isn’t even close to a personal record. I once ditched church for several years. Later, even when I went regularly, there were times I couldn’t go. Sometimes, I simply didn’t want to.

For example, when I worked the graveyard shift as a cop I opted to stay home and sleep instead. The last thing anyone needed in Sunday school was a badly sleep deprived and armed me.

For Mormons, church attendance falls into two separate categories: active and less active. Either you go all the time (active) or you go anywhere between occasionally and never.

While active attendance is technically anything over 96 percent, there are Mormons who wouldn’t miss church for the amputation of a limb never mind the Super Bowl.

Less active Mormons — and there are way more of these than the other — tend to be more flexible about nailing down a pew on Sunday. Reasons for not attending church range from “It was my dog’s birthday” to “None of your #@%! business.”

Ward response to a suddenly less active member varies. Sometimes the home teachers will come by and check to see if you’re still alive. The bishop may see you and stop to say that you’ve been missed.

A zucchini or some brownies might show up on your porch. On rare occasions it’s the ward busybody stopping by to casually mention that you’re going to hell.

In any case, the response generally depends on how big of a hole you left by not showing up. Everyone notices (and worries) when the bishop or the Relief Society president misses more than two Sundays in a row.

Conversely, a guy like me could get hit by a truck filled with goats and it would be months before it occurred to anyone to wonder why the meetings were more reverent.

It probably works the same in other faiths, although some are considerably more tolerant about attendance. One of my friends considers himself an “active” Catholic even though he only goes to Mass a couple times a year.

On the other hand, I know people who attended a fundamentalist church/compound just once and haven’t come back out since.

The reasons for attending church (or not) are probably as numerous as are people. My own are entirely selfish. I go because it reminds me to be nicer than I’m otherwise inclined to be.

When I showed up last Sunday, no one asked where I’d been or said they had missed me. That’s OK. I figured they just needed the break.