The Creation

My friend, Julie, is teaching the Relief Society lesson this Sunday on the creation.  She asked me if I had any stories I can share about the topic. What? Does she think I've been around that long? Okay, okay, she didn't mean it that way ... but it did bring back a memory from my days in Primary ...

So, I was about 11-years-old and therefore one of the older kids in Primary.  During a particular Sharing Time the teacher did an exercise where each child would go up to the microphone and name something God had created in question form and the rest of the Primary would answer by practically screaming, "God made the [whatever]!"  Example:

Q: "Who made the birds?"

A: "God made the birds!"

Q: "Who made the trees?"

A: "God made the trees!"

So it went on ... After a while it started getting pretty hard naming some of God's creations without it being a repetition.  So then a younger child excitedly went up to the mic and he yelled out, "Who made the babies?" ... Ummm, some of us just had the talk about the birds and the bees and we had to pause ... good thing some of the younger kids were not armed with the knowledge yet and proceeded to answer, "God made the babies ..."  Well, yeah, I guess ... with the help of mom and dad ...

Say what?

With so many cell phone towers around these days, calls that break up isn't as frequent as it used to be.  I had a conversation that went something like this about a decade ago with a boss ...

Boss:  ... run a conflict check *%!# me on the U-*%!# *%!# -iac Fou-*%!# -tion.

Me:  What was that? You're breaking up on me!

Boss:  *%!# conflict *%!# for me on the U-*%!# *%!# -iac Fou-*%!# -tion.  You know, the *%!# -eeders!

Then the call was dropped.  I'm racking my brains? I'm pretty sure he wanted me to run a conflicts check on some foundation, but which one? I think the first word is "Utah" ... second, [something]-iac ... and the last word I'm sure is "Foundation" ... then what did he say, "you know, the [something]-eeders"? I don't know where my mind was but my best guess was that he had said "Utah Nymphomaniac Foundation? You know, the breeders" .... could there be such a thing?

Turned out he said, "Utah Hemophilia Foundation. You know, the bleeders."  Wow! That made quite the difference!

When I eat an orange ...

You know how the membranes of peeled oranges harden when you leave it out for a while? I swear it's the best way to eat them ...

A classy move that made an impression ...

Twice a year, a certain client hold their Board Meeting at our office.  The Board would fly in from all overt he country and meet all day in one of our conference rooms.  Today, they were here for such a meeting.  I arranged to have an assortment of drinks and lunch brought in.  After the meeting adjourned, I started cleaning up the room and putting away a few things, and I missed saying goodbye to a few people.  One of the board members called me about half an hour later.

Client:  Inge, I didn't have a chance to say goodbye because another board member was in a rush to get out of there.

Me: I'm glad you called, did you forget something?

Client: No, I just didn't have a chance to say goodbye and wanted to thank you for your help today.  It was good to see you again.

How nice is that?

Dude! I think they're called panties ...

A few years ago at a Christmas party, we talked about family traditions.  One man in the group told us of his resourceful grandma who would make him briefs from her old silk night gowns ... Hmmm ... Dude! I think they're called panties ...or is it man-ties?

Life is never dull at CNM ...

I came back from lunch to find an email from our office manager notifying us that we are on lock down for a few hours as an "uninvited" man described as "an older gentleman, full beard, green ball cap, big glasses and damp clothing" is roaming the building. Later, we got the scoop that said "uninvited gentleman" came up to our floor and tried to convince a couple of attorneys to take him on as a client, when rejected, he asked if he could use our phones and restrooms. When it became apparent that he was loitering, he was asked to leave. Somehow, he managed to get back on our floor undetected and was later found by the office manager in the men's room on our floor stripped down to his underwear, washing his clothes and bathing in the sink. He was once again asked to leave and this time escorted down to the lobby. The gentleman then entered the bank branch lobby and started making himself at home there by taking out the contents of his backpack and laying them out all over the place. It took two security guards and a policeman to cuff the damp, green ball-capped, bearded, older gentleman. Oh, did I mention that the gentleman became belligerent when the cop cited him? Yeah, he lunged for the policeman's citation book and that was when she got pepper-sprayed.

Remember, kids, mental illness and illegal drugs don't mix!

Gong Xi Fa Cai!

Celebrated Chinese New Year with a few friends this past weekend.  I've decided that we're all trying something new this lunar new year and instead of year of the tiger ... we'll make it year of the cougar! Watch out, boys, here we come ... ha ha ha ... like I'm ever going to go for that ... Rrrrrr!

Getting old-er ...

I''m usually pretty good at going in for my annual physical, but I've decided to skip it this year.  Ignorance is bliss and I know exactly what the doctors will tell me.  I need to lose some weight, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah ... It's not helping that I got solicitation in the mail from AARP this past year and just the other day a mailer from Sentinel Plan arrived, "A sound and dependable plan that will help pay the last expenses and funeral costs ..." What in the world?  I'm 40-something, why is the world trying to make me feel like I've already got one foot in the grave?  Maybe I should make time for that annual physical after all ...

To make things worse, the other day as I was walking to the parking garage with the receptionist from work. Here is cute and petite, Melissa, walking beside me in a short dress and 3-inch high heels and the thought that came into my head was how long it has been since I was able to comfortably wear dresses that short and heels that high.  These days I dress for comfort.  The skirts are longer, the heels shorter and the waist band ... stretch-ier ... (((SIGH)))  ... I need a hug ...

Cougar

I was asked the other day by one of the runners at work if I could ever be a "cougar".  Don't know why he'd ask, but I was dumb-founded.  Five years either way is my limit ... anything beyond that is outside of my comfort zone.  How do people do it without admitting that someone in the relationship has either a daddy or mommy issue?

Handkerchiefs

 

YAY! I found some ladies handkerchiefs I like online! I bought two of these packages ... hopefully, I now have enough to last me another decade or so ...