It's soooo cold in here ...

I swear that I am located next to women who are constantly having hot flashes at the office. They are always hot even in the middle of winter! This morning the thermostat was set to the -4 which is the coldest setting. I'm sitting here typing this wearing a shawl and seriously thinking about making myself some hot chocolate instead of drinking my cold V8 juice. Why do these women come to work wearing jackets if they're always so hot?

Once upon a time, I had a little space heater in my cubicle, but when the outlet that the powerstrip was plugged into caught on fire, they took away my heating privileges and won't let me have another one. Luckily, the incident happened during the day while there were people around. My boss, Brian, was about to dictate something to me when he said, "Is that smoke coming from under your desk?" Smoke, what smoke? We quickly yanked the powerstrip off the outlet and Brian was able to just blow the tiny fire out.

Fire Drills

I hate fire drills! Whenever we have fire drills, I'd listen for sirens and look out the window to see if fire trucks are coming, if there aren't any around ... I keep working, despite of the threats from our "Fire Wardens". I hate that I have to drop everything, walk down nine floors, and then another couple of blocks to our work's rendezvous point. Most of all, I hate the flashing lights throughout the office which is just as annoying as the mechanical voice that orders you to get out. I know, I know, I'll be a Chinese-Indonesian BBQ if I don't get out and I need to be better when it comes to following orders -- especially when it'll save my life. So, I thought if they would play a fun soundtrack, it might just get me up and moving out of the office. So far, I have the following songs:

"Burning Down the House" -- Talking Heads
"The Roof Is On Fire" -- Rock Master Scott & the Dynamic Three
"We Didn't Start the Fire" -- Billy Joel
"Hearts on Fire" -- Randy Meisner
"Ring of Fire" -- Johnny Cash
"Hot, Hot, Hot" -- Buster Poindexter
"John Law Burned Down the Liquor Sto'"
"The Flame" -- Cheap Trick
"The Safety Dance" -- Men Without Hats

What do you think? I'd get up and dance my way to safety, wouldn't you? Any other suggestions?

This bites!

So I went for a walk at Bountiful Lake last Wednesday night. By Thursday afternoon, I'm starting to itch and finding bug bites all over my legs and arms and they hurt. Scratch, scratch, scratch, scratch, scratch! Ugh! The bite marks are so ugly that I'm digging out my long-sleeved tops to cover the ugly welts despite the near triple-digit temperature forecasted for today.

The Tainted Woman

There he sat in the tub ...
His dark skin glistening,
Tempting me with sweetness.

I had to have him!
I gave up all I had
And greedily I devoured.

A drop and I am marked.
Chocolate ice cream ...
on my white blouse.

I wrote the original version of this poem while serving as a missionary in Yogyakarta, Indonesia (circa 1993), based on a cold treat I had one hot afternoon. I've since misplaced the poem and this was an attempt to reconstruct it about a decade later. I thought about it today because, well ... I seem to need a bib when eating a cold treat.

Hari Kemerdekaan Indonesia

Celebrated the Indonesian Independence Day today with a few Indonesian friends. What's not to enjoy? Great Indonesian food and friends. I had forgotten so much of Indonesia's history, but it was good to have a refresher course again as we played games after dinner. We even sang the Indonesian national anthem.

When I was sworn in to be a U.S. citizen in 1997, Judge Sam told us of his Polish immigrant background and reminded us that what makes U.S.A. so great is our diversity. He urged us to remember our culture or traditions as it is what contributes to the richness of America.

To find out more about Indonesia, click on the blog title for a wikipedia entry of the country.

“Indonesia Raya”
Official Lyrics based on PP No. 4 tahun 1958
Used as the official national anthem

Indonesia, tanah airku, tanah tumpah darahku.
Di sanalah aku berdiri, jadi pandu ibuku.
Indonesia, kebangsaanku, bangsa dan tanah airku.
Marilah kita berseru, "Indonesia bersatu!"
Hiduplah tanahku, hiduplah neg'riku,
Bangsaku, rakyatku, semuanya.
Bangunlah jiwanya, bangunlah badannya
Untuk Indonesia Raya!

CHORUS:
Indonesia Raya, merdeka, merdeka
Tanahku, neg'riku yang kucinta.
Indonesia Raya, merdeka, merdeka
Hiduplah Indonesia Raya!

English translation of lyrics:

Indonesia my native land, the land where I shed my blood.
There I stand, being a soldier of my mother.
(Note: "mother" here refers to Ibu Pertiwi which means 'motherland')
Indonesia my nationality, my nation and my country.
Let us exclaim "United Indonesia!"
Live my land, live my state,
My nation, my people, all.
Build its spirit, build its bodies
For Great Indonesia!

CHORUS:
Great Indonesia, independent and free,
My land, my country, which I love.
(probably equivalent to English's Long live my land)
Great Indonesia, independent and free,
Live Great Indonesia!

T-G-I-F

After a long week, a man gets on a bus and sits next to a woman. "T-G-I-F," he said to the woman. "S-H-I-T," the woman replied. A moment of shock ... She must have misheard him or just didn't understand what TGIF meant, so he repeats himself. "Lady, I said T-G-I-F, you know 'thank goodness it's Friday'?" "Oh, I know," she replied, "... and I said S-H-I-T, 'sorry honey, it's Thursday'."

"I can't understand her accent." (circa 1996)

I was once asked to get some refreshment for a service project. So, right after I got off work, I went to the bakery at the basement of the downtown Salt Lake ZCMI. I took a number and stood in line to wait for my turn. When my number was called, a man of Indian/Pakistani descent served me. After I asked him for “two dozen assorted donuts”, he grabbed two wax paper bags and handed me two donuts. Of course, as with every occasion when you are misunderstood, I repeated my request slower and louder. “Two do-zen as-sort-ed do-nuts!” I yelled out. Baffled, he looked at me and again offered me the two donuts, “Yes, yes, here it is. Two donuts.” “No, no, no! Two do-zen as-sort-ed do-nuts!!!” I repeated even slower and louder. The other customers started to stare at the commotion. Confused, my server turned to his co-worker and said, “What is she saying? I can’t understand her accent.” I have an accent! I have an accent! This man is talking like Abu … and I’m the one with the accent? His co-worker turned to him and replied, “She wants 24 different donuts.” Understanding dawned on his face. “Well, why does she not say so in the first place? That, I understand.”

Imagine that … working in a bakery and he doesn’t understand the word “dozen”. I walked away with my two dozen assorted donuts and the new found knowledge that I have an accent some people can’t understand.

Can you say "Psycho"?

Some stories are just so bizzare, they can't be made up. I saw this in the UK's Daily Mail Online. Click on the blog title to link to the actual story. Be warned that there's a picture of her posing in the buff (those in the mother land are so much more liberal than we are on this side of the pond). The reporting isn't the most accurate when it comes to our church practices, but the story is still very entertaining.

The sum of it is that this woman kidnapped a Mormon missionary 30 years ago in England and raped him. Disappeared before trial concluded. Attempted to kidnap the same man again. Cloned her dead pitbull recently. Someone recognized her and this is how the whole business of the "Mormon Sex Slave" is raked up again ...

"Man tries to escape traffic jam ..."

I saw this article in The Salt Lake Tribune this afternoon. Ha ha ha ha ha ... "LOL" and "idiot" came up a lot on the comment board. Ah ... I needed a good laugh.

A 37-year-old driver who relied on Google to find a new way to Bountiful in the midst of Tuesday night's heavy traffic congestion ended up rolling his vehicle on a dirt road.

A 210,000-pound big rig had rolled earlier in the day in the northbound lanes of Interstate 15 near Center Street in Davis County. It backed up traffic to the 3300 South area in South Salt Lake, according to reports.

The driver became frustrated with the obstructions, according to a Salt Lake City police report, so he pulled up Google Earth on his cell phone and found what he thought to be a alternate route.

Jeff Bedard, spokesman with Salt Lake City police, said the driver had determined through aerial maps that a dirt road connected Salt Lake and Davis counties in the area of Ensign Peak and the ongoing City Creek fire. But as the man attempted to navigate the track, he tried to turn back and rolled the Jeep off the dirt surface, Bedard said. Police could not recover the vehicle and advised the man to contact watershed officials to get the Jeep back, he said. The driver, who was uninjured, was found not far from the flames of the City Creek Canyon fire. Bedard said the man apparently drove through gates that marked the path as restricted.

Charges have not been filed, but they are pending as police review the accident report and speak with prosecutors, Bedard said. "It's human nature to want to avoid traffic, but common sense should prevail," he said.

Elvis Costello/The Police

A much better crowd around us this time around and we coordinated sufficiently to travel to the amphitheater in two cars, thus enabling us to use the carpool lanes and parking lot. Some thought we were leaving too early, but the few of us who were there last week knew better.

These weren't quite the sing-along bands like the ones we saw last week. Elvis Costello was great, but we really didn't know his songs. We recognized a few of his songs, but not well enough to be able to sing along. Sting came out at one point and sang with him and that was probably the highlight of the set.

The Police was great. Sting looked so good! His band-mates, another story ... they have not aged well. The drummer was pretty toned, but he looked like he was flapping his gums half of the time the camera was on him. Were his dentures loose? The bass player ... Ugh! At one point, the camera was on him and he had a look of pain on his face. Constipated? Crapping a pineapple? One can only guess. Oh, please. Let's just put the camera back on Sting. No straight women and gay men were disappointed that Sting wore a tight fitting black t-shirt and his voice ... better than ever.

No altercation with our group. However, as we walked to the parking lot, we saw one. Some obnoxious idiots in a minivan decided that they won't stand in line to get out of the venue, so they drove down the side of a dirt road to cut in at the head of the line (which by the way is right by our car), screaming and laughing at everyone else in line. A man who had been waiting in line was justifiably upset, so he got out of the car and confronted them. Some chest bumping and shoving, but (of course) no police/security around and friends held them back from killing each other. Got out of there in 30 minutes ... a much better experience. Still, next time I'll pay for seats.