Things I learned from Mom ...

In honor of Mother's Day I thought I'd pass along contents on an email a friend sent me this weekend.

1. My mother taught me TO APPRECIATE A JOB WELL DONE -- "If you're going to kill each other, do it outside. I just finished cleaning." 
2. My mother taught me RELIGION -- "You better pray that will come out of the carpet." 
3. My mother taught me about TIME TRAVEL -- "If you don't straighten up, I'm going to knock you into the middle of next week!" 
4. My mother taught me LOGIC -- " Because I said so, that's why." 
5. My mother taught me MORE LOGIC -- "If you fall out of that swing and break your neck, you're not going to the store with me." 
6. My mother taught me FORESIGHT -- "Make sure you wear clean underwear, in case you're in an accident." 
7. My mother taught me IRONY -- "Keep crying, and I'll give you something to cry about." 
8. My mother taught me about the science of OSMOSIS -- "Shut your mouth and eat your supper." 
9. My mother taught me about CONTORTIONISM -- "Will you look at that dirt on the back of your neck!" 
10. My mother taught me about STAMINA -- "You'll sit there until all that spinach is gone." 
11. My mother taught me about WEATHER -- "This room of yours looks as if a tornado went through it." 
12. My mother taught me about HYPOCRISY -- "If I told you once, I've told you a million times. Don't exaggerate!" 
13. My mother taught me the CIRCLE OF LIFE -- "I brought you into this world, and I can take you out." 
14. My mother taught me about BEHAVIOR MODIFICATION -- "Stop acting like your father!" 
15. My mother taught me about ENVY -- "There are millions of less fortunate children in this world who don't have wonderful parents like you do." 
16. My mother taught me about ANTICIPATION -- "Just wait until we get home." 
17. My mother taught me about RECEIVING -- "You are going to get it when you get home!" 
18. My mother taught me MEDICAL SCIENCE -- "If you don't stop crossing your eyes, they are going to freeze that way." 
19. My mother taught me ESP -- "Put your sweater on; don't you think I know when you are cold?" 
20. My mother taught me HUMOR -- "When that lawn mower cuts off your toes, don't come running to me." 
21. My mother taught me HOW TO BECOME AN ADULT -- "If you don't eat your vegetables, you'll never grow up." 
22. My mother taught me GENETICS -- "You're just like your father." 
23. My mother taught me about my ROOTS -- "Shut that door behind you. Do you think you were born in a barn?" 
24. My mother taught me WISDOM . "When you get to be my age, you'll understand." 
25. My mother taught about JUSTICE "One day you'll have kids, and I hope they turn out just like YOU!!!"